The 3 A's

I believe that great relationships are based on trust, respect, and communication. Over and over again, I see partnerships that have trust and respect, but lack the communication skills necessary to thrive. Poor communication eventually will erode trust and respect, often serving as a linchpin for successful teams. The more I study communication, the more I believe that there are 3 “A’s” are key to high function. The 3 A’s are simply: assumptions, assessments, and assertions. Let’s define each.

Assumptions are defined as something that is accepted as true or as certain to happen, without proof.

The key piece here is the last word in the definition: “proof.” Evidence is key. Without it we are carrying blind spots. When we communicate with assumptions, we lack empathy and curiosity. In other words, we skip steps. Assumptions are often what get in the way of great communication. So, what should we do instead? Assess.

Assessments convey feelings and judgments, whether they are grounded or ungrounded.

When we are in assessment mode, we are able to share what we notice or what we observe. That process allows us to check our assumptions and verify whether they are true. Assessment mode also involves curiosity. When we assess, we question. We move away from assuming that we are right or wrong and instead make it our mission to gather data. Once we assess, then we can assert.

Assertions are empirically verified to be true or false.

The goal of communication should be to get to the truth. An assertion is verified. That verification can only occur if we take the necessary time to assess, hypothesize, and check our thoughts and feelings with others in order to better understand exactly what they are going through. Even if you can’t get to the “truth,” a great communicator can at least get to another person’s “truth” by assessing and allowing that person to assert themselves.

In closing, we all make assumptions. We have to. Assumptions help us stay alive and are often needed shortcuts to help us efficiently navigate the world. But, they can also get in the way and be destructive. Over the next week, notice when you are in assumption mode and when you are in assessment mode. If you find yourself assuming, simply step into assessment. From there, work on getting to assertion. We all will be better for it.