I Care About What You Think Of This Article

I Care About What You Think of this Article

I care what others think of me. I always have. And for many, caring about what others think of them gets in the way. It holds them back. They get so concerned with how others perceive them that they don’t take action. Dr. Michael Gervais, whose podcast Finding Mastery is one of my favorites, has coined the term FOPO, which stands for Fear of Other People’s Opinions. Gervais does a great job of explaining how FOPO holds people back, pointing out in this Harvard Business Review article:

“You’ll start playing it safe because you’re afraid of what will happen on the other side of the critique. You’ll fear being ridiculed or rejected. When challenged, you’ll surrender your viewpoint. You won’t raise your hand when you can’t control the outcome. You won’t go for that promotion because you won’t think you’re qualified.”

Dr. Gervais is spot on here. Fear of other people’s opinions can be crippling. But I believe there’s another side to the story that also needs to be emphasized; caring about other people’s opinions is essential and can even be a superpower. Let me explain.

Human beings are meant to be social. If we didn’t know that before, we know that now (having spent the last year living through a pandemic). For most of us, our reputation matters. Especially for leaders. How people perceive you often determines the influence and impact you can have on them. By being aware of other people’s opinions of us, we have the opportunity to build self-awareness, discover blind spots, and grow. Not to mention the power of care and how it is the foundation for human connection. It’s not other people’s opinions we should fear, but our responses when we hear those opinions. That’s where we gain control back. It’s the interpretation that matters. We can’t go deaf to the world, but we can train our internal dialogue to learn how to filter other’s opinions—some of which are helpful and some of which are harmful. But to ignore it in totality is a mistake.

Legendary basketball coach John Wooden once said that we should focus on character instead of reputation. He believed that character is what you do and your actions, whereas reputation is what people think of you. I agree. We should absolutely focus on our character more than reputation. However, we must not completely dismiss our reputation, especially amongst those we serve. There can be immense learning gleaned from learning about that reputation.

One of my favorite exercises I do with my clients is a 360 assessment tool. The assessment is riddled with other people’s opinions. My clients lean into those opinions. They grow from them. They use the opinions to create their own personal conviction. By looking under every stone they become more prepared, so that they can care less of other people’s opinions when it’s time to perform. That’s key. Knowing when to lean into other people’s opinions and when to move away. 

In closing, Dr. Gervais and Coach Wooden are two people I look up to with immense respect. I’ve spent time with Dr. Gervais, but never met Coach Wooden. Dr. Gervais, if you are reading this, I hope you know that I appreciate your work and I thank you for inspiring me to write this. I look forward to getting your opinion on it.