Boundaries

A lack of boundaries often leads to bitterness and resentment. I have frequently put a desire to be well-liked over a desire to set boundaries, and surprisingly it leads to being less well-liked. Let me explain further. Boundaries need to be front-loaded. They create expectations. When we set our intentions up-front, we create clarity; when we don’t, we create clutter. Many of us create stories and assumptions when boundaries aren’t in place. It’s in those stories that drama thrives. Boundaries are about truth over hearsay.
 
Brene Brown, who is one of my favorite “thought” leaders, pointed out, “one of the most shocking findings of my work was the idea that the most compassionate people I have interviewed over the past 13 years were also the most boundaried.” She goes on to define boundaries as “what’s ok and what’s not ok.”
 
When we are setting boundaries, we are actually being generous. We let people know what our needs are and are clear on how we can support them. Boundaries are actually a sign of love instead of like. We are being vulnerable and sharing what we value. We are being kind rather than nice. I’d rather have boundaries and live with integrity than try to be all things to all people and not be clear on what is ok and not ok with me.
 
I’ve also learned that not everyone likes boundaried people. They may call you “busy” or “hard to reach.” But there are far worse things to be called in this world. If I am considered “busy” because I value my time with my family, friends, clients, travel, or a golf course over serving someone else’s agenda, I am ok with that. At least I will have my integrity and will live the life I want to live.
 
For me, boundaries = freedom.
 
What do boundaries mean for you? How will you set them going forward? I’d love to hear from you.