Family First?

We often tell others that we put our family first. But is that really true? How much time do you spend with your family compared to your friends or coworkers? Do you really prioritize family over your work? I think the phrase is misleading, and it’s not really true. Saying, “I put my family first,” suggests that family and work are always working against each other. When in reality, they don’t have to be opposing forces. For example, someone can be fully invested in their work and fully invested in their family when they are with their family, but saying one goes “first” suggests there is some sort of hierarchy. Family and work aren’t meant to be a seesaw. Just because one is focused on doesn’t mean the other suffers. One can actually add value to the other. And here’s the other rub, I actually don’t think either should come first.

Marriage first. Kids second. It’s advice I took with me from a client before I had kids. But as I get more and more experience as a parent, I actually think, like family first, the idea of putting the marriage first is inaccurate. I think the phrase is missing the most important person to focus on: Ourselves. When we put ourselves first, we fill our cup. We operate with more capacity. From there, we can take care of our partner, and then if we’re lucky we can be in a situation to take care of our kids.

The main thing we need to remember is that sometimes our words and how we use them can actually be bad advice. We don’t need to put family first. Most people don’t. It’s okay. It doesn’t mean you aren’t a good family member. It means you are human. And when it comes to what you do put first, let’s not forget to take care of ourselves first. Fill our cup. Then we can give the overflow to those we love.