Small from Far and Hard to Hate Up Close

People seem “small” from far away. The pandemic has reminded me of that. It’s been easy to judge a friend or relative who is approaching life differently these days. Stories run amok inside my head. But underneath my stories, if I really look deep, are simply assumptions. Judgments with knowledge gaps. They lack nuance. It’s in those crevices where ignorance lives. As I often attempt to zoom out, I notice that the assumptions that I make about those close to me are no different than the assumptions that I often make about those who may vote differently, those who may have a different religious belief, or those of a different generation. Assumptions often are short cuts. They serve as heuristics. And while they help us navigate much of our day-to-day experience, they also often oversimplify the complexity of life. It’s those assumptions that are often what gets me, and probably you, in trouble.

How important are relationships to you? Score yourself 1 out of 10 (and you can’t choose 7). Now score yourself on how you are at overcommunication, empathy, question asking, and connection. Is there a gap? If there is, now you have work to do and a path forward. All of the above are key aspects to building relationships and, even more importantly, they are key to our overall humanity. Humanity has been a value that I’ve identified as a top 5 personal value. It drives much of my being in this world. Even if it’s not a core value for you, I think focusing on humanity in a pandemic is a great way to go. Through humanity, we can have grace. Through grace, we can cultivate an understanding for our neighbor, spouse, or a stranger. We all could use a little grace these days, am I right?

So, as the world continues to open up a little bit more by the day, and as people become less small, here’s a reminder that people are also hard to hate up close. Even as we may remain distant from some, there are so many ways for us to remain connected and feel close to those who may look, think, or act differently than ourselves. As a society, it’s important for all of us, as citizens, to continue to move toward others. Listen. Learn. Make sure they aren’t small. Whether they are family or a stranger, we are all obligated to do so. Doing so will not only make others seem less small, but perhaps it will make you seem less small as well.