Silence
When silence is intentional it can be very powerful. When it's not intentional it can be cowardice. Knowing when to be silent and when to speak up is tricky. Yes, great leaders need to learn to listen in silence AND to speak up when direction is needed. Here are some examples of when I try to be silent and when I try to speak up:
I try to speak up when my values and morals are threatened. If I don’t take a stand on them, then I don’t truly stand for anything. If I believe something is unjust or simply not right, I take great pride in speaking up. Of course, our own justification of right and wrong makes this endeavor more complicated, but at the end of the day, all of us have a character compass that guides us. For me, I try to be convicted in that compass and trust my instinct when to speak up about it.
Being silent is harder for me. It’s not in my wiring. Yet, as I continue to evolve, I find great value in it. I try to stay silent when someone is sharing vulnerably. I try to give them my presence without any verbal communication. Staying silent doesn’t mean not paying attention. In fact, I find it often to be the opposite. I also try to stay silent when learning something new. I try to listen deeply for understanding. I also think silence is key when presenting or facilitating. There are times when others need space to think. I find silence to be awkward and I know I am not alone. In fact, research has found that 4 seconds of silence is all that’s needed to create an awkward environment. And yet, perhaps we need to lean toward that awkward discomfort rather than filling that space with comfortable noise. At least for me, that’s definitely a challenge.
How do you make sure you are speaking up when needed? What tools, if any, have you used to remain silent even if you feel a desire to speak up? Which do you need to focus on today?